Yuffie Repellent
by Kracken l.w
Summary: The one thing in the universe so annoying it can even terrify Yuffie. Rated K due to mild swearing. Labeled horror due to mention of THAT SONG. Now a One Shot dump.
1. Chapter 1

**Yuffie Repellent**

By Kracken l. w.

Consider all things not mine duly disclaimed.

(A/n: I was playing FFVII earlier when that utterly god forsaken excuse for a song came on, and somehow it warped into this… Now I'll go back to working on my Bleach fic.)

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"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO! NO! PLEASE, LEVIATHAN, MAKE IT STOP!"

Yuffie Kisaragi, Princess of Wutai, Commander of the Intelligence Dept. of the WRO, and proud member of Avalanche, the group that had saved the world no less than three times, ran screaming in terror from a small black, loudly twanging, currently pursuing device that she had unfortunately given one of her best friends for his birthday. Had she had slightest inkling he'd use it for something like this, she'd have gotten him a lump of coal instead.

" _If You Want To Destroy My Sweater…"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" She wailed as she dove out the door and tore down the hall way to find somewhere to hide; leaving most of the rest of Avalanche staring after her in the entrance to the Intelligence offices of the WRO. Shudders ran down everybody's spine as the reason for her abrupt exit became clear.

"Dammit, Vince! Turn that shit _off_!"

"Why are you listening to that, Vincent Valentine?"

"UGH"

Nanaki settled for whining and covering his ears with his paws.

Vincent Valentine just smirked and gave vent to one of his (Fortunately) rare, utterly creepy and somewhat demented chuckles before finally deigning to reply. "Yuffie repellent…" And then he turned around and wandered back into his office, switching his portable mp3 player over to something that sounded suspiciously like death metal before he went.

Cid looked warily after him, before turning to the others. "Jus' this once, I kin actually say I pity th' brat…"

**END**

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A/n: I really, really, REALLY cannot STAND that song. A sure fire way to make me either run or turn homicidal is to start playing the god damned sweater song at me… And the one time Vinnie boy laughs in FFVII, he does the whole evil, crazy, "Muwhahahaha!" type laughter. I'm sure Turks are trained in psychological torture and that damn song _definitely_ qualifies. Shudder Review if you want to. All those who feel that the sweater song should be banned under the Geneva Conventions shall be praised and possibly featured the next time I get a random idea. If you actually _like_ the damn thing, please don't mention it. That would make me sad… And frightened… 


	2. Ph33r the Emo Plushie!

Ph33r the power of the Emo Doll!

_By Kracken l.w._

(A/n: Here we go again. Abandon all hope of sanity oh ye who enter here, for yea truly, mine has once again fled screaming into the night; and shortly yours shall also due the absolute pointlessness of it all. Glaurung II, here's your cameo. Hope you like it.)

Disclaimer: Oh for goodness' sake. I think by now we all know that **I DON'T OWN IT!!**

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Oh, Leviathan. He's at it again. I honestly thought we had gotten past this…

Yuffie Kisaragi, bouncy, bright, almost obnoxiously cheerful Yuffie, Princess of Wutai, Commander of Intelligence for the WRO, and self proclaimed opponent of all things unbearably "Angsty", was just about to hit the end of her rope. The reason for her unusually extreme ire, the head of Security and Master of fire arms training, Vincent Valentine, had gone into major emo mode, AGAIN.

Yes, there had been another incursion by the remains of Deep Ground. Yes, they had lost a few people. However, the damage was _nothing _like as bad as last time; and that was almost entirely due to the formidable combination of her intelligence network and Vincent's extremely thorough and sometimes outright brutal training of the security teams keeping the casualties to the minimum humanely possible amount! Clearly, he was over reacting. She snorted softly to herself as she signed off on yet another report from her agents assigned to rooting out the last remaining members of Shinra's nasty little private army.

She tilted her head slightly as their normally smiling shared PA crept into the air of sheer gloom permeating the office with all the signs of someone who's just been told their puppy had been torn apart by a pack of rabid Nible Wolves. The miasma of suppressed despair, impossibly, actually deepened. Yuffie started grinding her teeth. Her last bastion of cheer against her partner's overwhelming aura of EMO had been destroyed half an hour ago after a communications failure of epic proportions resulted in several vitally important files being deleted at a crucial moment. Normally, Vincent would have given one of his inaudible sighs, rolled his eyes at the universe's reaffirmation that yes, he _was_ it's favorite bitch, and no, that _wasn't_ changing any time _this _millennium, thank you very much, and gotten to work helping Yuffie and Shelke in finding the backups or, failing that, replacing the lost information and starting immediate damage control.

Instead, he had given poor Glenny such an apathetic, I am so _very _disappointed in you kind of look that the poor girl had nearly burst into tears. Now, instead of helping Yuffie dispel the awful tension with a few well placed snarky comments and the odd light hearted chuckle, she had clearly gone to the dark side and was actually _helping_ the ultimate emperor of all things Emo completely ruin her mood!

_Just one more overly pained sigh, Vinnie Boy…_

_Gods. And people call ME a drama queen…_

_One more apathetic stare from EITHER of you the next time I say something and Da Chao help you 'cause I am going to…_

-Sniffle-

Right. That _did_ it.

* * *

Those unfortunate enough to be standing outside in the combined Security/Intelligence offices heard the enraged shriek/ roar/ howl and promptly hid underneath their desks. Usually all the somewhat volatile head of Intelligence would do is rant at you for an hour before her natural cheer returned and she bounced off to prank the hell out of whoever had pissed her off to begin with. On those rare occasions that she well and truly lost it, however…

Not two minutes later Vincent Valentine, feared gunslinger and master of demons, was thrown bodily out the office door by his much smaller partner with a goose egg on his forehead and a liberal coating of a familiar yellow powder clashing with his cloak. He stared in bemusement at the office door as the snarling bristling, almost _sparking_ apparition that had attacked him stomped back through and slammed it shut behind her. He stared for a moment longer and then, miracle of miracles, his lips twitched upwards in the tiniest hint of a smile. He then cautiously removed his cloak, and being very careful not to inhale any of the dust, used a clean spot to wipe what was left off his face. After all, an overdose would probably traumatize their subordinates far more than one of Yuffie's tantrums ever would.

* * *

Back in the office, Glenny stared in shock and awe at the creature holding her captive by one arm while it swung the object used to assault Vincent threateningly in the other hand. "For the last Ancient Forsaken time, Glenny, it was _NOT _all your fault." Yuffie gritted between alarmingly bared teeth. Suddenly she dropped the PA's arm and at the same time adopted a blank face that even rivaled those of past masters like Vincent, Cloud, and Rude. "Now, are you going to cheer up, or will I be forced to use this?" How the hell she could say that with a straight face, the other girl would never know. Glenny's eyes sparkled as she tried desperately to keep equal composure. "You just smacked Vincent Valentine over the head with a plushie stuffed with powdered Hyper," She raised an eyebrow. "Do I really look like I want to join him?"

Yuffie eyed her for a moment, still blank faced, idly bouncing the green and black haired doll up and down in one hand while she stared. "I don't know…" She said finally. "Just now you looked an _awful _lot like one of his little emo spreading minions… Sure you don't need just a _little _smack?" Glenny couldn't help it any more; the faintly biting edge of Yuffie's voice, the put upon expression starting to leak through the blank façade, and the fact that she had just beaten Vincent freaking Valentine over the head with a drugged plushie made to resemble the ultimate emo child was too much. She cracked up laughing.

"Finally! Now for the sake of all things round and shiny get your ass back to work! And NO Moping. Or Else." She brandished the doll a final time before patting it fondly on the head and putting it back in her desk. "Oh, and if you happen to spot Vinnie lurking around out there, you can tell him its safe to come back in."

Brown eyes shone with suppressed mirth as she looked back over her shoulder at her boss. "Are you sure?" She asked, in a completely serious tone of voice.

"Oh, absolutely." Yuffie's voice was equally sincere, but there was mischief plainly visible in the wide eyed expression of innocence she got back. "Well, if you're _really_ sure.."

"Positive. Maybe. Possibly…"

She was going to make his life… interesting… for days, and they both knew it.

What only Yuffie knew was that she had pictures.

**The End **(until the next time my sanity takes a header off the roof.)

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(A/n: Does anyone else out there enjoy the thought of an Emo plushie laced with uppers as much as I do? Probably not. Oh well...)


End file.
